The not so shared writing blog
Oct. 8th, 2010 12:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
happyeclairIt exists mainly for me. I need to remember to write.
I realize that at this point in my life, I am not confident about a lot of things. My writing, included.
If people end up finding this writing blog and if ever they do like anything I wrote here because they could relate or because the quality of writing was good, then I am glad someone finds it ok.
But really, I ask myself these days: Why do I do things? Why do I still want to write despite the number of things I've been through which are not related to writing at all? Why do I bother trying to write poetry despite the pains I go through when I write them? Why don't I write stories anymore? And why do I leave fragments of myself on the internet? This writer self being the most detached of all online personas.
I need to pick up myself again and connect these pieces together. The only one who could do that is my writer self, maybe? Because it is my writer self who could write and edit the 'me' you see online. I used to have an entire blog and a hodge podge of things about me were all there. That includes some of these old written works. I used to be comfortable with that hodge podge. And then I started learning to compartmentalize things.
Come to think of it, I still don't believe in compartmentalization completely. Because I think that one can only compartmentalize up to a certain extent, like normalizing databases. You could only normalize so much, imho. If you try to go further, it's just too fragmented already and all you'd end up seeing is too many scattered parts. But I think the whole thing is what's more important than the fragments per se. Fragments are just fragments. They won't make complete sense without the whole.
*sigh*
Anyway, I need to gain my self-confidence back. What little was there is practically gone. I get too critical of myself and when I get criticisms, I get even worse. So it's a losing battle, really. But I must do my best. I struggle and struggle, and that's part of life, I guess. Lol. So many struggles these days so I must learn to enjoy them as well?XD I don't know.
I realize that at this point in my life, I am not confident about a lot of things. My writing, included.
If people end up finding this writing blog and if ever they do like anything I wrote here because they could relate or because the quality of writing was good, then I am glad someone finds it ok.
But really, I ask myself these days: Why do I do things? Why do I still want to write despite the number of things I've been through which are not related to writing at all? Why do I bother trying to write poetry despite the pains I go through when I write them? Why don't I write stories anymore? And why do I leave fragments of myself on the internet? This writer self being the most detached of all online personas.
I need to pick up myself again and connect these pieces together. The only one who could do that is my writer self, maybe? Because it is my writer self who could write and edit the 'me' you see online. I used to have an entire blog and a hodge podge of things about me were all there. That includes some of these old written works. I used to be comfortable with that hodge podge. And then I started learning to compartmentalize things.
Come to think of it, I still don't believe in compartmentalization completely. Because I think that one can only compartmentalize up to a certain extent, like normalizing databases. You could only normalize so much, imho. If you try to go further, it's just too fragmented already and all you'd end up seeing is too many scattered parts. But I think the whole thing is what's more important than the fragments per se. Fragments are just fragments. They won't make complete sense without the whole.
*sigh*
Anyway, I need to gain my self-confidence back. What little was there is practically gone. I get too critical of myself and when I get criticisms, I get even worse. So it's a losing battle, really. But I must do my best. I struggle and struggle, and that's part of life, I guess. Lol. So many struggles these days so I must learn to enjoy them as well?XD I don't know.
